I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
