This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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