Since when is my name a synonym for head?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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