i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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