Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
