she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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