Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I think my fart just growled at me.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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