Its about making memories worth repressing
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
