batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I love you.
Bad choice
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
