he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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