I want to walk on stilts...naked
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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