Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize