Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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