I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
