You're a womanizer and a bitch.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Randomize
