Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Randomize
