Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
