it was like eating out sand paper
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
