is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize