New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
did i just pee glitter
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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