Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
