I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
