im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
