Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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