Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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