pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize