how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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