NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
