Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize