We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
