No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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