I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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