Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
stop calling my apartment porn island.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
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