her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
i love accidental penises.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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