every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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