She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
