just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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