Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
They took my balls.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
