And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
