I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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