there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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