Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
