Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Randomize
