Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
