I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
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