i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Randomize
