just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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