i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
