god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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