i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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