Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
