I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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