We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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