Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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