I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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