girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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