At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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