Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
