my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
