I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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