I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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