Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
