I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
