She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I think people are normalizing furries
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize