I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
