Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
