i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
