if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
