I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Randomize
